Growing up, I used to hate the word submission.  

And when used in certain context, I still do.

I’ve seen it used to fulfill selfish agendas and aid in manipulation, and at times, even abuse. That is not what submission is about.

But why does there seem to be a lot of debate over the issue of submission?

It’s primarily because today, gender roles are changing. Women work as hard as the men in the office. Men now help with house chores. Families are now being structured differently from how they used to be.

A lot of things that used to be the norm in traditional marriages are now being turned around with changing lifestyles.

Including the concept of submission in the home.



After analyzing our current society and reading what the bible has to say on the issue, here’s my take on what submission does not mean, and what it actually means.




1. Giving up your basic human rights.

A woman shouldn’t be required to sacrifice her basic human rights on the altar of submission. Things as basic as the right to be heard. The right to be treated fairly and with dignity. Not to be battered or abused. Every human being, male or female is entitled to those things.


2. Surrendering your entire life to someone else.

Though submissive, a woman is still the owner of her life and should be the primary decision maker on key issues that affect her life as a person. Decisions about her spirituality, her aspirations, and other core personal values are not to be suppressed under the cloak of submission.   


3. Having no financial security.

Women need to have some sort of work or the other that yields income. Don’t submit your entire financial destiny to a man. What if tomorrow he dies or decides to leave you. Will you now start begging on the streets with your kids? Even if he has lots of assets to be inherited, or even a billion dollars insurance, you still need to have your own money – no matter how small. It’s what responsible adults do.


4. Agreeing on everything.

Couples can agree to disagree amicably. The woman doesn’t have to say ‘Yes sir’ to everything a man says in order to be submissive. She can have different views from his, it is allowed.

As a woman and a human being, God has made you with a mind. You have to think. You are a person, not a body and not a machine. Especially when it comes to opinions about your core beliefs. You submissively do not have to submit to that.


5. Not trying to influence your husband.

Submission does not mean avoiding the effort to positively influence or change the husband. If your husband is an unbeliever for example, while being submissive, you still have to try to win him over for Christ – submissively.


6. Living in fear.

Submission should not be as a result of intimidation or bullying which lead to fear. Marriage is a love union. And the bible says perfect love casts out fear. If a woman is submissive out of fear of her husband, there is no love in the marriage. And therefore no God, because God is love.




1. First Submitting to God.

Submit to God and he will show you how to submit to your husband. If you are still rebellious to God – which we can sometimes unconsciously be, there’s no way you can be submissive to your husband.

Surrender yourself totally to God. Dig deep into His word to know His thoughts and will towards you.

And when you find yourself having issues with your husband, go to God in prayers and He will give you the wisdom to tackle that problem submissively.


2. Unconditional.

Yes the same part of Ephesians that says a woman should be submissive to the husband (Ephesians 5:22), starts by saying they should both submit to one another (Ephesians 5:21).

But what happens if your husband has not yet received the revelation for submission? What if you are married to a man who refuses to submit in any shape or form?

You stay submissive to him.

While submitting his case to God in prayers.


3. Stooping to conquer

Submission means being gentle, humble, patient and all of that great stuff we already have in us thanks to the Holy Spirit. Just that those fruits are more deeply buried inside some people than others.

It means humbling yourself in your thoughts, words, and actions.

Proverbs says “a soft answer turns away wrath”. Meaning someone could be mad angry right now, but gentle words could make the person calm down in an instant.

A godly wife knows how to conquer from a position of submission. 


4. Knowing you are not equals.

There cannot be two captains in a ship. One person has to be at the helm – and that is your husband. It is his divinely ordained role to captain the ship of your marriage. Fighting for that position with him will only lead to a shipwreck.


5. Putting the other person first.

It means sometimes making sacrifices to make the other person happy. Letting go of control issues and learning to take into consideration someone else’s will, desires and wants.


6. Being Wise and Strong.

Submission doesn’t mean the woman is weak, the reverse is actually the case.

Any fool can shout, yell, or stomp their feet on the ground till she has her way. It takes a lot of wisdom and strength to willingly submit to another person, but that is what is needed to build a home.

May God give us the wisdom and strength needed to build strong, beautiful homes.



What’s your own take on submission? Let’s hear it in the comments section.


See you tomorrow for a nice poetry piece on marriage.

 To get your write-ups published on Unto the Matter, send an email to hello@untothematter.com


Tank driving, cheeky amazon from Warri Kingdom. Copywriter by day, blogger by night, foodie round the clock.

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1 Response

  1. Bhuvi Kumar says:

    wise points that will let the newly married couple’s and couple’s having trouble in their marriage, these questions arise in every couple’s mind.

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