GROWING THROUGH HEARTBREAK
When I was in my early teens, I promised myself I would never experience a heartbreak. I would never ever ‘allow’ anyone break my heart.
I was going to keep it safe. Guard it. Protect it.
And only give it out to someone who would treasure it enough to not break it.
Needless to say, I have broken that promise countless times over.
It’s funny how no one wants their hearts broken, yet it still gets broken. And how no one wants to be responsible for breaking someone else’s heart. Yet knowingly or unknowingly, we still break hearts.
The fact is that heartbreak is as much a part of life as life and death. Joy and pain. Laughter and Tears. They come with the territory.
Even outside of a romantic relationship, you could still get your heart broken. It could by your closest friend, or by the loss of a loved one, or by a management decision in your office, or by other types of lemon life throws at you.
So far you hold something or someone dear to your heart, you are likely to experience some form of disappointment or the other. The gravity of the disappointment to you, is what determines if it is a heartbreak or a heartcrack.
After experiencing my fair share of heartbreaks in the past, here are certain things I have learnt. These 5 pointers have helped me heal faster while becoming a stronger person.
1. It’s not a heartbreak, it’s a learning curve.
The way you choose to see a situation affects how you react to that situation. Thinking of yourself as heartbroken, or a victim, will only make you feel worse about the situation.
No, you are not in denial. You just choose not to have a victim mentality.
Rather than dwell on the pain, think of the experience gained. Take mental and physical notes of all you did right and all you did wrong.
Accept your share of responsibility for it not working out. Don’t blame yourself. Don’t hate your ex. Just think of the things you would do differently next time around.
You might have done everything right, but chose to do it for the wrong person. You might have consciously or subconsciously closed your eyes to early warning signs about your actions or the person’s actions.
Take those lessons learnt and be stronger because of it. Be wiser. Be a better lover for the next lucky person.
2. Step Outside – Figuratively.
Step out of the box and look at the big picture. You may be sad now, but you will not always be. In due time you will get over this. It’s just an ended relationship, not the end of the world. Millions of people have gone through it since time immemorial. And you will too.
Because you’re strong like that.
You may not know it, but we’re all built with an inborn survival mechanism that makes us able survive almost anything, so far we set your mind to it. So set your mind on moving on to better life experiences.
No one says it will be easy.
Initially it would hurt a ton. And when it does, you are allowed to cry if you want to. Scream if you have to. Throw things if it makes you feel better. Vent to a friend, or better still, a stranger. (Hopefully you won’t see them again so you can unashamedly pour out your soul.)
Then when you are done…
3. Step Outside – Literally.
Go out. Go to new places and old places. Meet new people and get reacquainted with old friends. You don’t have to become a social butterfly, but don’t lock yourself away in misery. Realize the world is still a very beautiful place, with very beautiful people.
There’s so much to make you smile, and laugh and crack your ribs. But only if you step out of your heartbreak zone, into new and wonderful experiences.
Join a zumba class and dance away our sorrows. Visit family and friends who love you. Start working out. Go for comedy or music shows. Travel somewhere you’ve never been before. Do anything to fill your mind with positive vibes and fun.
Soak in beautiful experiences to remind yourself that life goes on.
And it’s a darn beautiful life at that.
4. Enjoy the Fringe Benefits.
Enjoy the benefits of having them out of your life. Buy that power bike you’ve always wanted, but she said no to. Wear that dress he never liked. Get that pet. Live your life the way you’ve always wanted to. You’re the boss now.
Do those absurd little things that give you pleasure, but you couldn’t do because of him or her.
Go on a self-indulgent binge. You’ve earned it. Treat yourself.
Imagine you were your own child who was just recovering from an illness. Pamper yourself like royalty because you are royalty. You are going to be someone else’s King or Queen in future.
5. Be Thankful.
God just did you a favor. Be grateful that you are now free to be found by someone who truly appreciates your worth. Think of all the endless possibilities ahead of you. Thankfully, you’re now a more seasoned lover. Thankfully, you wont make the same mistakes as before. Thankfully, you came out of this with your body and soul intact. Thankfully…
…You didn’t die.
You’re alive to feel the pain. To tell the story. And years from now, to laugh about it.
You went through a lot, but you’re still standing. And you’re rising from the ashes to fly again.
Yes you loved and lost, but chin up dear, you’ll definitely love again.