THIS THING CALLED LOVE (i)
What is this thing called love?
Hmmm…this thing called love…
I used to think I knew what it was. I even convinced myself I was in love a couple of times, but time and circumstances proved otherwise.
Because if I was truly in love, then I should still be, right?
Or does it expire?
Does this thing called love have a Best Before date?
If you truly love someone, does that feeling ever die completely?
And should this thing called love come with Terms and Conditions? Like, I will only keep loving you if you keep doing this or that. Or I can only love someone like this or that. Or I love you, BUT…
Shouldn’t there be parameters to measure true love? That way when someone says they love you, you can check to be sure if their love is genuine or fake.
Shouldn’t there be a way for consumers of this potent drug to be able to tell the original from the counterfeit?
If I refuse to catch a grenade or donate my kidney for you, does that mean my love for you isn’t real?
If you truly love someone, should there be any limits to the things you can do for or tolerate from the person?
Is it possible to genuinely love someone and do things that will hurt the person?
What exactly is this thing called love?
Who invented it? I heard God did, but His definition of love in the bible is definitely different from ours.
It seems almighty man has even invented ways of ‘creating’ love for himself. Through emotional manipulation, showering of gifts, elaborate kitchen or bedroom skills, and other such mechanisms, people have been able to get other people to genuinely fall in love with them. With the other person being unaware that someone else was pulling the strings.
So if I ‘fall in love’ with you, based on certain things you did or said (genuinely or otherwise) that swept me off my feet, is that real love?
If Prince charming changes into a frog, and I fall out of love, does that mean my initial feelings for him were not genuine?
Or if the beautiful princess finally reveals she’s a witch in disguise, and the Prince says he still loves her, why is our first thought “jazz” or “juju”?
There are more questions than answers…
…on this thing called love. From time immemorial, the questions that have been asked and will be asked about love are infinite.
It is the topic with the most books, songs, and probably started the most wars, than any other issue. Yet there’s no universally accepted definition of what love is.
Google defines love as an intense feeling of deep attraction. But what happens when you don’t feel those feelings anymore?
Or maybe you still feel them, but just not as strongly.
Or you now feel them for someone else?
Do you walk out of your current relationship or marriage since it was based on love?
Based on all these confusing questions about this thing called love, and my own wonky experiences with it, I have come to the conclusion that I do not believe in some mythical feeling called love.
I believe in…
You choose how you decide to relate with or treat someone.
Yes having certain feelings (good or bad) can make certain choices easier or harder to make, but you still choose.
It’s very easy to ‘fall in love’ with someone who meets all your criteria for a dream man or woman. And it’s a bit easier to choose to keep loving them if they retain all the things that made you fall in love with them in the first place. But sadly, change is the only constant thing in life.
If you meet a beautiful young lady who checks all your ‘ideal woman’ boxes, it’s only natural for you to start feeling feelings, regardless of whether you are married or single. It’s now up to you to choose whether to indulge those feelings and let it grow, or squash them at inception.
If your husband no longer shows you affection, but your hot colleague in the office takes your breath away every time he smiles at you, you choose whether to indulge those feelings or squash them.
Either way, consciously or unconsciously, you choose whether to start/keep loving someone, or whether not to.
So be more aware of your choices. Don’t blindly make life decisions based on how you ‘feel’ today, because feelings change.
Make your choices not just with your heart, but also with your head.
What tough choices have you had to make for love? Please share your experience in the comments section.
See you next week Saturday for the concluding part of this post.